27. In bad times, I like to ask "what is the lesson?"

When my world seems out of sorts, when the road is swervy and nauseating, I try to ask myself "what is the lesson I need to learn from this?" Actually, I ponder this on a frequent basis, not just when things are run off in the ditch.

This contemplation helps center me and get me into a more open mindset. If I can think about the spiritual lesson available to me, I can begin to focus less on the trivial and more on the profound.

It also helps me concentrate on the only thing I have control over - ME. I want to learn from the situations I am faced with and I want to think about if I could do something differently next time. So I ask myself - What can I learn from this? How could I do this better? What role did I play in all of this? How did I contribute to this situation?

Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes I can't see clearly until the crisis has past. But asking and looking inward helps keep me afloat.

12. Take charge of your happiness!

(This is hard one for me to explain because I think on paper it comes off as if I don't need people or rely on them, but that is so far from the truth.)

I don't think you can hope that other people will make you happy. They can contribute to your happiness in significant ways (and to your sadness), but I believe we have to make our own paths to that blissful state based on the relationships we have with ourself and whatever divine spirit we may believe. Focusing inward for the source of happiness is not easy. Lots of people look outside themselves and find it difficult to be happy because:

• other people don't appreciate them enough...
• their husbands don't give them enough compliments...
• their bosses haven't recognized all their talents...
• people always disappoint them...
• they aren't yet married...

The list can be long but these are external things, things you can never control.

For me, I don't want to place responsibility for my happiness soley on others. I strive to be content based my choices, actions and mind set. These are things that I know help me be happy:

• Being in a commited relationship with someone I respect, trust and find endlessly fascinating
• Having friendships with people who are honest, open minded and compassionate.
• Drinking a slow cup of coffee in the morning before the world revs up
• reading good books, a hard workout, writing....
• taking time to be quiet and still
• skiing, hiking, camping - almost anything on a trail

9. I like my holidays big and boisterous

We've decided to stay home for Christmas this year. This is a big change for us because we haven't spent a Christmas at our own house since Wyatt was born. We've always gathered with a large family crowd in OKC or Seattle. This year, Wyatt was overly concerned Santa couldn't find us if we ventured too far. And I think this might be his last year believing in Santa; he's asking too many smart, insightful questions about the jolly old fella. So I told hubby that I wanted to have a Christmas morning in our own home.

I feel great about being at home, but a little sad too. Why? I like my holidays full of people and commotion. The community of siblings and extended family gathering in the kitchen, watching movies, and telling stories of their year - all that activity gets me in the holiday spirit. I feed off of the families' energy. I've come to expect the occasional misconduct and family dysfunction. I don't shy away from the ugly stuff - I know it's all part of the package.

So this year, it will be special to wake up to my own french toast casserole and watch my kids open presents perched at their own hearth - but I will miss the hussle of the jam packed, family holiday.

7. Go for some "firsts."

I still make new year's resolutions. I may be the only person in the world who does. It's a nice way to give each new year a little direction.

I've had one of the same resolutions on my list year in and year out. A big one for me is that I always want to learn something new or do something for the first time. By looking for new things and venturing out of my comfort zone, I fight getting too stagnate in my increasingly old age. It helps keep me open to the opportunities that come my way.

Sometimes the firsts are really fabulous (this year's writing conference in Iowa) and sometimes they are simple (road a camel for the first time - at the zoo not some glamorous vacation but it was still a first.) Sometimes I name the things I want to try at the beginning of the year but more often than not, I don't have an inkling of the new things I might taste, attempt or jump off of. I keep an open mind so I can accept what comes my way.

What have you done for the first time this year?

4. Keep quiet about your thick knees

People are too preoccupied with their own insecurities to notice yours. If you keep your mouth shut about your bothersome physical or personal attributes, no one will even notice, much less care. Do you hate your lopsided boobs, crooked teeth, thick knees, thinning hair, age spots, goofy laugh, neck mole, cellulite? Keep quiet. Don't shine the spotlight there! No one cares about your imperfections anyway so there's no need to point them out.

I had a great friend in high school who lived this philosophy even as a teenager, which I find remarkable. She had an "exaggerated pear" shape, and she never complained. I never heard her whine or moan about her "problem area." Even if she wasn't totally comfortable with her body, she sure acted like she was which was wonderful thing to witness.

Hopefully by the time you reach your 30's, you no longer sweat the small details of physical imperfection. But if you do, SHHHHH, no one but you really cares.