21. People can change.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

We hear all the time that people can't change. I disagree. I think people can change.

BUT! BUT!

And these are two big buts.

#1. I don't think we can change anyone but ourselves. I don't think we can change our husbands, our mothers, our boyfriends, or our in-laws. The only person we have any control over is ourselves. We can advise, pray, scold, and demand until we are blue in the face. In the end, it is the other person's choice if he/she wants to do anything differently. It's not up to us.

#2. Don't hold out hope that someone is going to change their stripes. I don't think it makes sense to enter into something with someone on the condition that he/she will be different. Yes, people can change but it doesn't happen very often. So if you are entering into a relationship or marriage hoping that your partner will cast off bad habits and adopt new virtues.. well... you are setting yourself up for some big disappointments.

And I suspect that people very rarely alter who they are at their core. Grand shifts are probably inspired by suffering, illness, loss, enlightment, or some kind of catastrophe. People hopefully evolve by small degrees as they mature but huge shifts are probably rare.