You've gotta be someone you love."
(Song lyric courtesy of Nada Surf. Song - Concrete Bed. Album - Weight of Water, 2005)
I remember the tortured anguish of budding adolescense. I devoured teen mags, especially Seventeen, searching for advice on friendships and boys. Back then, the advice columns and articles were solid. (I hate to imagine what they spout these days.)
Their advice focused on being comfortable with yourself, loving the things that are unique and special about yourself, not molding yourself to make someone else happy. It was crazy good advice and next to impossible to follow as a teen. But that's where the journey started.
I also remember being a gal in my twenties looking for love. When all else failed (and lots of things failed) I decided that I had to be happy without a guy. I had to live a life I loved and be happy with myself. And I found that when I was joyful and at peace inside, I attracted good things into my life.
How can you expect anyone else to love you if you don't love yourself first?
Along with this life lesson is the idea that you gotta know what you love.
Kristin Armstrong, former wife of biking legend and athlete extrordinaire Lance Armstrong, did some great interviews after her high profile divorce. Kristin explained that she allowed herself to get lost in her spouse's life and she forgot who she was. His life was so large and she thought a good wife should to bend to his every need. That didn't work. She ended up not being the woman he fell in love with and she was lost.
When the marriage was ending, she realized that his life was so consuming that she forgot the things that she loved purely on her own, her true nature, the things that were uniquely her. She had to reclaim those to find her way back to herself.
I think her experience is a great lesson for women in relationships - marriages, dating, whatever. We need to find a way to stay true to our own identies while adapting to the needs of our loved ones.
1 comment:
Don't you think that when Kristin came to that realization, her and Lance could have worked through the problem together?? Like if he didn't love her anymore because she wasn't being herself, shouldn't he help her on her journey to becoming herself again? Either way she's taking that journey, but if Lance would have stayed by her side for better or worse, then they could have had an even better marriage! I believe 100% that the only reason there's divorce is because of selfishness. I guess that's the only reason for anyone's problems...
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