Somewhere on the road of life I detoured away from the black hole destination of People Pleaser. You know this hot spot. If you have mammary glands, it's highly likely you might be trapped there.
People Pleasers say "yes" even when they feel like saying "no". They say "yes" so much that their lives start to wobble out of balance, or they get resentful of all of their responsibilities, or they lose focus of the things that are really important to them.
This is a simple skill I wish more women could master. The art of the simple "no." I do it all the time and have absolutely no guilt about it.
Q: Can you bring 8 dozen homemade sugar cookies for the kindergarten party tomorrow at 7:30AM?
A: I'm sorry, I can't help out tomorrow.
Q: Will you be able to chair this committee next year because we absolutely can't find anyone to do it? We are in such a tough bind.
A: I don't think I can.
Q: Can you babysit our 10 kids tomorrow for 12 hours while we go trolling at garage sales?
A: I'm sorry, but I can't.
No lengthy explanations are needed. Elaborate excuses are not required. I have the right to give a simple no. This doesn't fly at work or with clients or with spouses so much, but in common social situations, I feel like a simple "no" is perfectly acceptable.
I don't feel guilty about saying "no" because I say "yes" too. I see myself as a helpful person. I like to participate, lend a hand, pitch in. But I can't do it all the time, no matter what, at all costs. I say "yes" when it makes sense with my availability, priorities, and other constraints. I think for the most part my friends view me as someone who they can call at the drop of a hat if they need help. I say yes to them all the time and am happy to do so!
Will people get mad at me if I politely decline their requests? Will they think badly of me? Maybe. But that's okay with me. Period. I can't make everybody like me. I can't make everybody happy.
The simple "no" is an essential tool for my life balance, keeping focused on what matters to my family and myself, and my general well being.
It's easier than you might think. Try it. You might like it.
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