33. Dating is really just an experiment.

This is kind of like a dating manifesto. And pathetic one probably, because I was a lousy dater.

I can admit it; my instincts were piss poor. I couldn't tell if a guy really liked me or was leading me on. I couldn't attract the types of guys I wanted in my life. A few bums walked all over me. And, I hung on for dear life even when some fellas acted like scoundrels.

But, I did learn some great lessons along the way. I feel absolutely certain that I learned what I needed to learn. It all helped prepare me so I was ready when my Mr. Wonderful skied into my life.

Here are some things that I believe looking back on it all.

1. Dating is just an experiment. I think one key to success in a serious commitment (like marriage) is finding someone who loves and accepts you for your true and authentic self. One way to learn who you really are is to try things on for size. Looking back on dating in my 20's, I dated lots of kinds of people which helped me hone in one what felt comfortable and right to me. Being with the party guy, the stale toast type, and the criminal was a way to try on different lifestyles.

2. Hanging out in groups makes a lot of sense in high school. I had a comfort level with my friends around, and I could see how the apple of my eye acted in a group situation. Often very telling. One-on-one dating was too overwhelming at times, being immature and confused about my identity. Also too tempting. With hormones raging, lots of craziness could ensue in private situations.

3. I wonder if early, long-term relationships stunt your growth. I never had a serious, long term relationship in high school. But I knew people of did - people who dated for 2, 3 even 5 years as teenagers. Some of those relationships were probably fabulous and some may have turned into great marriages. But I suspect that it's not such a good idea on the whole. I think the tender young heart isn't yet ready for that kind of powerful commitment. Chances are, it won't turn into marriage and the breakup can be too devastating. Kids should be casually dating, learning how the world works, hanging with friends, not tied down.

4. Draw the line. In advance. I've heard many women say this and it helped me a lot. (This is one thing I did right.) Be clear about you are NOT willing to do physically in a relationship. They only way to do that is to decide in advance. In the heat of the moment, it all feels good and a head swimming in passion can't stop without some help. Knowing that clear line helps a lot!

5. Don't be desperate. Men (and boys) smell desperation like stink on skunk. I suspect something in the male DNA responds to the hunt. Do not throw yourself at them or be as accessible as a 24-hour laundromat. Fellas may hook up with the Desparadas for a while, but usually for just some fun and games, not for a real connection.

6. Mix in other hits from the countdown: #32 (be someone you love), #24 (don't give the milk away). Throw in my recent #34 (you teach people how to treat you.)

7. Keep your friends close. It probably isn't a good sign if you start to pull away from your true friends and family when you are with a guy or gal. You cannot lose yourself in a relationship because..well..because you lose yourself. Don't dive in so deep that you don't stay connected to the people who really love you. Let's face it, you are going to break up with lots of boyfriends/girlfriends in your lifetime. Guys and girls come and go. Your friends and family though should be a constant.

8. Don't act married when you're not. I went on family vacations with guys I dated, sent out Christmas cards with our happy-couple-faces plastered on them, did all kinds of things that people do when they have a serious commitment. It may have been as serious as twenty-something's get, but I see how it led to so much pain when we broke up. I acted married because I wanted to be married, but the guys didn't deserve that from me.

9. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I've used this principle in my private life ever since I learned about it in my work life. (I did tons of hiring in my HR career and the best way to evaluate someone's match for the job was to see how they had performed similar tasks successfully in the past.) Here's how it goes:

• If your girlfriend is bad with money, chances are she's going to be bad with money when you marry her.
• If a guy flirts a lot with other women, chances are he is going to keep doing it his entire life.
• If a girl can't keep a serious job, more than likely she is going to keep on that path.

I believe people can change (#21) but only with some big IF's, AND's and BUT's attached to that. For the most part, people show you who they will be by showing you who they are now.